So I was pregnant for the third time during the time I was training to be an antenatal teacher. As I have already said I was desperate for a boy, only partly because I had two girls already but largely to almost make up for gap the death of my nephew had left. We all needed a healthy boy in the family. I went to the 20 week scan with an older friend who was (is) almost a mother figure to me. With no husband at the scan (surprise surprise) I was free to ask the sex of the baby. It was a boy! I swore my friend to secrecy and we vowed to tell no one else. I secretly collected little boy clothes - blue socks, babygros and so on. To say I was elated is an understatement!
When I was 30 weeks pregnant I started to get very painful contractions. I was taken into hospital and monitored. One night they were so strong that the doctors decided to give me a steroid injection in my bottom to increase the function of the baby’s lungs in case he was born that night. Thankfully the contractions did fade away eventually, but after what my sister had been through it was a very scary time.
He was actually born five days late and a whopping 10lbs 7oz! I felt an instant love for him that surpassed anything I had ever ever known. And this love continued to be strong and emotional because as it turned out he was incredibly unwell for his first few years with allergies, eczema and asthma. I will tell you about that in my next posting.
Despite my happiness with my three lovely children I was becoming more and more unhappy with my marriage. I remember going round to a friend one evening with my young baby in the car. He slept while we talked, moaned and drank wine. Her husband had just recently left her and she was sharing her feelings about that and I was telling her how miserable I was with my husband – who she knew of course as our vicar. I said I would love him to have an affair because then I would be free. I felt envious that she was in the position to start again. I knew that one day I would get out of my marriage as I couldn’t see anything worth hanging on to. That was 12 years ago. Very stupidly that evening I drove home, baby in car seat really quite drunk. My mind was already a mess.
